I don't know
That's what I say when I'm just too LAZY to think about ANYTHING.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
[edit]
dear diary,
slept late last night so i woke up late today. today is a very ordinary day for most people, but it is a special day for me. haha.
sometimes people really don't know what they want, and what is a better choice for them. i'm stuck in this 前后矛盾 de situation. i thought that it's a correct decision, but everytime after awhile, i'll start to regret. and awhile ltr i'll not regret somehow, and then the cycle repeats itself again. i don't understand myself. though i'm living in this world for like almost 16years.
it's really hard to understand someone else. you never know what's their intention. it may seem like it's this way, but actually they might be meaning the other way. confusing right? yea i think so too. so every guess of intentions is a game of gamble- guess it wrong and u lose smth, be it minor things like possesions, or major things like friendships. hence, it's hard to win this game. cos you need luck. mayb a little bit of skill, but it's certainly more of a luck-involving game.
distractions? i don't know. not to get distracted is easy to say, but hard to do. a slight bit of not determined enough will means distraction. sometimes it's just like it's not you don't wanna not get distracted, but it's the unconscious mind and the natural behaviour of man just makes you distracted. it's like 2 person talking to u. both plays a very important part in your life, and their speaking to you at the same time. you can't get the best of both worlds, right? though you have 2 ears, but they function together. listening to one side would mean negligence to the other. which will mean you'll lose that person. it does not only apply to people, but other things as well.
i once came across an information that referred family, friendship, health, as glass balls. and life is like juggling these balls, slight distraction will mean failure. and this or these glass balls will fall to the ground and broken. and when that happens, you'll never be able to mend it back as it is shattered into a thousand pieces. even if your the most ingenius mender in the world, you'll still be unable to mend it back. unless you have the power of reversing time. which is totally impossible in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd dimension. that's why when u break smth in a store, they'll tell you "once broken, considered sold", for it is impossible revert back to its original state.
in this world, if you're not as good, you lose. it's the fact, life's cruel, what can you do? cry to the wall? nah. just get up and win other ppl in another prospect. the best gets the job. just admit defeat man. wad's the big idea. if the person can win you, that means she/he's better than you. which means better for the job. so instead of being so 死心眼, might as well just give up.
haha. bye.
lyrics:
It's been the longest winter without you
I didnt know where to turn to
See somehow I cant forget you
After all that we've been through
go in, come in
thought i heard a knock
who's there? no one
thinking that i deserved it
now i realize that i really didnt know
you didnt notice, you mean everything
quickly im learning, to love again
all i know is, imma be ok
thought i couldnt live without you
its gonna hurt when it heals to
it'll all get better in time
eventhough i really love you
im gonna smile cause i deserve to
it'll all get better in time
how could i turn on the tv
without something there to remind me
was it all that easy
to just put aside your feelings
if im dreaming
dont wanna let, hurt my feelings
but thats the path, i believe in
and i know that, time will heal it
you didnt notice, you mean everything
quickly im learning, to love again
all i know is, imma be ok
thought i couldnt live without you
its gonna hurt when it heals to
it'll all get better in time
eventhough i really love you
im gonna smile cause i deserve to
it'll all get better in time
since theres no more you and me
its time i let you go so i can be free
and live my life how it should be
no matter how hard it is ill be fine without you
yes i will
thought i couldnt live without you
its gonna hurt when it heals to
it'll all get better in time
eventhough i really love you
im gonna smile cause i deserve to
it'll all get better in time
(chorus till fade)
thanks person A for 指点迷津. i finally got the situation. i always wanted to know what's the situation. but i never had the courage to ask you. now it's time for me to get outta ur life and leave you behind. somehow the world seems to be much better since i know i never had a place in your heart. which means i don't needa hold back to give u up totally. it has finally ended. though i kinda feel sad. but since i'm not good enough, might as well shoo off. life prove to me once again, that how much u give does not equals to how much to get. i just hope that the person she fancy treats her well and loves her with all his heart. that's all i can wish for. though i don't know whose the person. but well, if it's someone she likes, can't be any bad. heart's clearing the space now. like finally. i hope i'll that she'll never appear in my life again. it's time for a new chapter of life. no more of her... please. 一场欢喜一场空，终究还是这种结局。强中自有强中手，一山还比一山高。but i did my best i guess. there sudn't be any regrets. it's time for me to go... i'm gonna miss you i guess. :'(
Thought I couldnt live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals to
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time
_____________________________________________________________________________________
yo, i went to train. wahaha. finally managed to use a little bit of left foot. :D wahaha. i feel so happy. cos i like finally can use left leg after who-knows-how-many years! :D i think i wanna go for VJC DSA to try. despo ppl like me needa try out dis kinda stuffs so that i can get into a JC. :P but hey, i'm not as despo as cherngjye! he's spamming dsa. maybe i try out soccer and basketball de dsa for VJC? can i? it's 7th june. needa fill in application form first anot? anybody wanna go with me? go alone is like... very weird. :/ 2 more days to MJC DSA! FTW! lols. please let me get through. please... :( i'm not at all confident of my studies, cos i'm like totally not concentrating at all. i lost interest in studying again! oh shit...
is my phone faulty or smth? why is the reception so... little? usually 1 bar or 2. sometimes 0._. at home somemore leh! not as if i'm living in some deserted-big-foot's-house. lols. cos jakarta like last time got report say there got bigfoot right? haha, i wonder if it's true. i really wish to see some yetis, loch ness monsters, bigfoots, aliens, UFOs... dam cool right? haha!
ok bye. another song!
lyrics:
If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way
(Chorus)
And I will always love you
I will always love you
You, my darling you
Bittersweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you, you need
(Chorus)
I hope life treats you kind,
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this, I wish you love
(Chorus)
I will always love you (x3)
I, I will always love you
Darling I love you
I'll always, I'll always love you
And the lyrics are totally what i wanna tell you. forget it. i dun wanna ask anymore. its very disturbing when you say you don't wanna care abt the special someone anymore. den when she speaks to you like nth happened, you just... urgh.. just get over it. man. but i just tend to scroll down just to see her pm and "accidentally" press her blog's link. walau eh. i dun have abit of determination. shyt shyt shyt. argghhhh... i'm in a fluster. i totally dunno wad to do... my brain ain't working properly. zzzzz.. why isn't there just a quit game button... i just wanna bang my head to the wall. but it'll hurt so i'll give it a miss. :/
If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way